if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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