Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
