yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
