i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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