i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
