While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
