There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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