It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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