Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
