It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I pour the whiskey from now on
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize