I looked at my own cervix.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
