So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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