so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
