That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize