chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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