I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
