I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
