Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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