Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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