Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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