Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
