i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
