i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
