If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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