names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
