i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
