Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
