Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
