awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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