I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
