Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize