My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
