yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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