Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
