end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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