I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
