But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
