How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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