That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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