u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
