am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
