he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
jump out the window naked night went bad
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
