dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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