He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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