my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
