I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
