my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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