I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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