But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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