Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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