No more Irish car bombs ever.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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