Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
cat food counts as protein by the way
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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