The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
