come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
