The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
