Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
