Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I stole a fireplace last night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
