i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
