if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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