I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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